Broken bones rejoice

A couple of years ago, my wonderful husband secretly got people in my life to send him scripture for me that would be used to encourage me, describe me, etc. We have this hanging in our apartment as a prayer wall now. I was rolling passed it (that's what I do these days) and I caught a glimpse of one, Psalm 51:8-12. I read it and I felt that feeling (most women know it) the prelude to tears feeling, so I rolled on. I wasn't ready. I went on with my day working, occupying my brain. I went to our bathroom which has this nice ipod radio thing in it, flipped it on to hear some tunes and this song comes on...one I am very familiar with...the speaker says let's ask the Lord do restore to us..turn it off. Roll back into the room (because let's face it I can only go to like 3 places in the house without assistance these days).

So I am sure you see the pattern... shut down, ignore it, run. Right?

Well I roll into the kitchen again to get water and that pretty little verse catches my eye again, I read it and read it and read it and read it. I know that I need it, I know it needs to be my prayer and I know that the Lord is being gracious to me. But I'll be honest, it is hard to say when life just seems to smack you over and over that I want these broken bones to rejoice, to ask for a clean heart and a renewed spirit. I really in my flesh wanted to be like, you know what broken and down seems like a safe place, at least here there isn't risk of being broken again.

Now for me these are very real because PART of our suffering now is my broken leg and all the draaammmaa it brings along with it. So thinking about rejoicing in that, some days isn't hard because God has done so much for us even in this suffering....but other days is so hard to see past to bleh.

So after a good long talk, cry, honest communication with God about all those feelings and that certain song on repeat for like hours (or at least it felt that way)... I am starting each day, asking God to let these bones rejoice and for my joy in him to be restored.