Fill'er up

I have been thinking a lot lately about the "empty spaces" and how "we" collectively as a culture seek things to fill them up. Even as a believer in Christ, I find myself with "empty spaces" in my heart and life. Some designed by the the cultural expectations set upon me or pressure on me by culture. Some that are deepen woven into my soul and the fabric of who I am as a person, woman, and Christ-follower. The bad thing for me is that those "empty spaces" have been empty longer than I like and I have allowed that to turn into hurt, bitterness, sadness, etc. So essentially I have some dark holes, shocker! LOL.

I started a new study with some co-workers, James by Beth Moore. I started because I need to. I need more of Jesus. I need more of his reel playing in my mind. I need light in those dark places. And I started because I felt him pull me into him. So... I asked around and got a group of ladies together to start a bible study. Yesterday was the first video and I can already tell this study is going to cut me deep. (Luke 2:35 And a sword will pierce your own soul too.) Yep, that's me ready for the piercing.

In our study yesterday, two significant things stood out to me:

1) The power of the resurrections means that NOTHING but the tomb is meant to be empty. Nothing? Really? No heartache, no betrayal, no defeat, no bondage...should be left empty. Now, I did NOT say none of those things will occur. But we have and know the one that will fill it. "Will you let him fill it up?" Ugh...pierce me. Does that mean I have been walking around with this empty space, with this hurt, with this longing and I knowing have left myself that way? Yes, I know that remedy and I deny it. Ugh, again. Jesus, please come in and fill it up. Fill me.

2) Jesus radically restructures the idea of family. I know this and have felt this and experienced this with my own life. But there is a part of this that I didn't let hit my empty spaces. Jesus goes from the focus of the family of man to the family of God. Where our culture is all about your family being number one. Don't do anything that will put your family behind others. Jesus is pretty clear in his word and actions that the family of God is the new family. Now, he still calls us to love our family and pursue them certainly. The part that really hit me, is those of us ladies who have that longing to be a mother...but can't for various reasons. We are already mothering. In Titus 1:4, Paul says to Titus "My true child." This is not his child, but Christ ordains our connections between spiritual family. You are already fulfilling that role. You are a mother. Let your heart be encouraged, just as mine was, that God will not leave that space empty. He will provide women for you to mother. He will provide people in your path. As I think about the women in my life that have stepped into that role for him, I was encouraged.

So, here I am with arms open and heart abandoned, asking God to fill'er up. I don't want to block my empty spaces. I don't want to cling to those hurts, but I want to cling to the one that heals them.