Always with you

"And behold I am with you always, to the end of the age" Matthew28:20

The Lord has been speaking to my heart to own this truth. My "Religous" side says God I know you are always with me"because the bible tells me so." But my soul, my truthful raw heart..says I am not quite sure.."How do I know that you are always there?" He has been begging me to make this promise my own, but I just have had a hard time with it. Do you ever just want so badly to believe something, but just can't get something in to "get" it? Well..that's where I have been.

The past few months have been hardship on top of hardship..and just when I feel like I have finally gotten off the texas giant (which if you have taken a ride on thing you know, you feel beaten, battered, and bruised from one ride) life comes back in full swing back on the stinkin' ride.

Last night, I just had it.. I was planning on attending a service at our church to pray for three teams living to go overseas for good or at least a while. I wanted to go hear their stories and lift them up, but I was tired too...not like sleepy tired but soul tired. I just asked that God meet me there intimately. My prayer went a little like this " I need ya, like in a real bad way, something for my stupid concrete planning brain to KNOW that you are with me in this, Thanks." So, I carpool with my homegroup leader and I confess to her that I am just struggling to claim truth today (well actually yesterday, but you get the pic right?!?) and she agrees to pray that the Lord will speak intimately to me and that I will be sensitive to His voice.

The service was amazing, my heart as usual is just stirred for the nations...but God meets me in a very specific way. The last family gets up to share and the wife says.. Today at lunch I felt that I needed to share some truth with someone here, it doesn't really "fit" in but I want to obey. She proceeds to talk about her and her husband's calling to missions a while back and how year after year they asked the Lord.."Can we go yet?"..I am welling up at this point.. The Lord says to them "No not yet, but stay the course." Over ten years go by and they continue to ask..meanwhile they stay missional in their jobs, invest in the church, use their talents where they are called, and LIVE here in the city. She then proceeds to say "If you are called, which I am convinced there are others like us in here who know and are just 'waiting', then do not get so wrapped up in the world that you are LIVING in that it becomes hard to take your hands off of .what you have to obey.. we almost missed our chance in the past couple of years." I just cried... why you ask? Well, several reasons.. Justin and I know we know we know that the Lord has called us to the nations, and we have asked since we were married if God is ready to send us yet. We have also felt the need to take residence in the place God has put us at this point.. so our battle has been to invest but to not forget the call we have on our lives. I just felt like, God if you really called us and we are willing..what are we doing wrong? He is just reminding me that I am called and He has a plan for us. Also, He confirmed our recent decision to move closer to our homegroup and to be amidst the city we are called to for this season. In short getting rid of our junk . I was so touched.

So, this morning..I am driving to work and Justin is driving behind me. I am thinking man, I wish we could carpool..stupid school. Hehe. It is supposed to rain, so I am waaay excited and I see a rainbow on the drive. Cool.. His mercies are new every morning. Thank you Jesus. Justin is behind me..I can't SEE him but I know He is behind me and somehow that gives me comfort. Then I am still driving and I see Him beside me, two lanes Bri in one and Justin in the other.. it makes me smile from the inside out. He is driving beside me, I feel strangely safe. Huh... that is weird. Then I get stuck behind slow car lady and he presses on and moves ahead of me and I can no longer see him. Then at that moment the Lord clearly speaks to me "I am with you always" just like Justin is behind you and you trust that, when He is beside you and you feel safe, and when he goes before you and it gives you hope... I am behind, beside, and in front of you. Wow.... God thank you for making that truth so real to me.

I hope my rambling can help this truth be real to you to, that's my prayer at least. Thanks for listening.